


Letting Go

by oncesquishy



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 09:01:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17179973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncesquishy/pseuds/oncesquishy
Summary: She'd been holding on for so long. But now there was nothing left for her to do, no need for her to stay.It was time for her to let go.





	Letting Go

 

 

_Beautiful._ There was no other word she could use to describe the beauty of the woman before her.

 

The way her white dress accentuated her figure, the way her now long hair seemed to soften her features, the way her smile lit up the room as she walked down the aisle, arm in arm with her father who smiled with so much pride. This wasn’t the Yoo Jeongyeon everyone was accustomed to and all those present could only stare, starstruck by the beauty of the bride.

 

Jihyo, from her spot by the altar, couldn’t help but agree with them. From the moment Jeongyeon had stepped onto the aisle, her breath was taken away. Even after spending years upon years with the bride-to-be, she never really had the chance to appreciate the older girl’s beauty.

 

“Hey.”

 

Jihyo's breath caught in her throat as she snapped out of daze to find Jeongyeon right there in front of her with a smile that sent her heart racing. Here, seeing the older girl up close, even in minimal makeup, Jihyo was sure Jeongyeon was glowing.

 

“Hey back.” Jihyo returned the greeting with a smile of her own to cover up the flustered state she was in. She then found herself staring, unable to take her eyes away for even a second. How could she when the woman who stole her heart was standing here in front of her in all her glory.

 

Jeongyeon must have noticed as she gave Jihyo a nudge in the ribs and a playful grin. “Am I so beautiful that you can’t take your eyes of me Park Jihyo?” she teased, clearly taking delight at the blush that painted the younger girl’s cheeks.

 

“Yeah,” she paused a little to clear her throat, “You look amazing.” Jihyo watched as Jeongyeon’s eyes widened dramatically, almost in a comical manner. She definitely wasn’t expecting that. Not from her at least. Blinking once, blinking twice, she noted how the older girl could only gawk at her before she looked away as she too began to turn a bright scarlet.

 

Jihyo would have laughed at her reaction if she hadn’t noticed the older girl’s shaking, clammy hands or her eyes that darted from one spot to the next or the way she shifted her weight from one leg to the other. “Nervous?” she asked, her eyebrows furrowing in worry as Jeongyeon gave her a nervous chuckle. “That obvious?”

 

In response, Jihyo could only give the older girl a nod and an encouraging smile. “But you shouldn’t be. Everything will be fine,” she whispered gently, hoping it would reassure the older girl. But Jeongyeon was no longer listening to her.

 

Her attention along with everyone else’s was now on the church doors opening up as the wedding march announced the arrival of the woman walking towards them, her entrance mirroring the image of an angel descending among the mortals.

 

The woman, accompanied by her father, came to a stop in front of the duo and now it was Jeongyeon’s turn to gape. But could anyone blame her?

 

There before her, in the flesh, was Myoui Mina. A ballet virtuoso known for her grace and elegance. A kind and gentle soul who knits for charity. A loving daughter, caring sister and wise friend. The only sane person in their little circle of friends.

 

And Jeongyeon’s future wife.

 

As Jeongyeon’s maid-of-honour, Jihyo continued to remain by her side even as Mina’s father handed his daughter over to her lover. She stifled a laugh when he shot her a glare and made her promise to protect his daughter and she beamed with pride as the older girl managed to muster up the confidence to give the man a satisfactory answer.

 

She watched as the brides turned to each other, speaking to one another in soft whispers all while staring into each other’s eyes as if no one else existed. And yet, while the guests aww-ed at the sight, Jihyo felt a pang in her heart.

 

It’s never easy seeing the love of your life with someone who wasn’t you.

 

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Yoo Jeongyeon and Myoui Mina in holy matrimony... ”

 

The moment the officiant began to speak, Jihyo found herself zoning out, his voice just coming out as white noise to her. She tuned out his voice in hopes of ignoring reality and distracting herself from the truth she couldn’t bring herself to face.

 

“Should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace…”

 

_Me…_ A voice at the back of her mind whispered to her. _I object,_ it said, begging for her to say something, anything to stop them from marrying. She didn’t. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. How could she when she could see the way Mina tightened her hold on Jeongyeon’s hand and the way Jeongyeon held her breath as she prayed for silence.

 

She wasn’t that kind of person.

 

So Jihyo held her tongue and put up a facade, suppressing and concealing her true feelings as the wedding continued. She laughed and cringed at the little jokes the brides inserted into their vows, and clapped as they exchanged rings and were announced married.

 

Then came the moment she dreaded the most.

 

“You may now kiss the bride.” She overhears and she tried to turn away, she really did. But when the couple began leaning in towards each other, Jihyo found herself frozen and unable to look away. Then, their lips met and she could feel a part of her soul just die right there and then.

 

And while the crowds cheered, she wonders if anyone would notice the tears hidden behind the smile she wore, the ones she couldn’t hold in any longer. Not that it really mattered in the first place. If anyone did ask, she would simply place the blame on her joy.

 

Besides, her best friends were getting married, it’s the biggest day of their lives, she was supposed to be glad for them.

 

But what if she really wasn’t?

  


————————

  


Jihyo still remembers the first time she met Yoo Jeongyeon, on that fateful day at the little playground in their neighbourhood.

 

She was only five then, still a naive, starry-eyed little girl. Sweet and well-mannered, she was the child every parent wished to have. But while all the adults seemed to have fallen for her charm, with large round eyes and chubby cheeks, Jihyo had found herself being the butt of all the children’s jokes as they likened her to a certain cartoon train that she grew less and less fond of.

 

“Look! It’s Thomas!”

 

“Why are your eyes so big?”

 

“Choo! Choo!”

 

Jihyo hated every single second of it, every word the kids spewed. She was teased and bullied and none of the other kids wanted to be friends with her, out of fear of being bullied too.

 

She didn’t know what she did to deserve all of it, but she never fought back; she never had the courage to. How could she, when the bullies were also older and larger than she was; she never would have stood a chance against them.

 

So she simply put up with it, speed-walking away with her head down, covering her ears as she did to block out their words. They rarely went further than their normal childish playground insults, especially when all the adults were around.

 

That particular day however, the teasing got particularly bad and began to get a little physical.

 

She hadn’t seen the bullies come from behind her until they tripped her. She tumbled to the ground, scraping her knees in the process but they didn’t care. They instead laughed at her and tugged at the pigtails her hair was in, making fun of her. Unable to take it, Jihyo tried to get up intending to run away but with her knees trembling from the effort and the nerves, she imply fell back onto her bottom, much to their amusement.

 

“Stop it! Leave me alone!”

 

How pathetic she must have looked, curled up on the ground and close to tears, crying for them to go away. The bullies didn’t listen to her pleas however, and there wasn’t anyone there to make them. It was just her and them, there wasn’t anyone to help her out this time.

 

Where were the adults when she needed them? Were they turning the other cheek to the suffering she was experiencing?

 

“Hey you! Get away from her!”

 

Through her blurry vision, Jihyo could barely make out the figure of her saviour, standing between her and the bullies with her arms crossed. She stared at her saviour’s back, their eyes meeting briefly when the girl turned back to take at a glance at her pitiful form, giving a reassuring grin as she did.

 

“Or what?” The largest of the bunch came forward, sneering and cracking his knuckles as he stopped in front of the girl. “What are you going to do about it?”

 

The girl simply raised an eyebrow.

 

Seconds later, Jihyo found herself on her feet, running as her saviour dragged her along the path. Behind them, the bullies followed in pursuit, hurling insults and curses as they sped through the park. They managed to outrun the boys, quickly hiding in one of the playhouses before they could see them.

 

Peering out, the girl ducked back into the house as the boys ran past. “We lost them,” she said between her pants, leaning back against the wall. Jihyo simply watched all of it from the corner of the room, hugging her knees, still trembling slightly out of fear. And the girl must have noticed.

 

Slowly she walked towards her, getting into a crouch a feet away from where she was. “Hey,“ she said softly, “Are you okay?” She frowned when Jihyo ignored her, carefully moving forward to get a better look at the smaller girl. Still afraid, Jihyo retreated backwards towards the wall, letting out a pained whimper when she knocked her hurt knee against the floor.

 

“You’re bleeding,” she pointed out, worriedly eyeing the wound before standing up to search her pockets. “Wait, I have something.” Reaching into her back pocket, the girl pulled out a handkerchief, and with the care of a mother, she carefully dabbed it on the wound to stop the bleeding.

 

She pulled back when Jihyo flinched from the pain. “Does it hurt?” she asked to which Jihyo nodded her head. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to be more careful.” She continued more delicately this time before searching her pockets and fishing out a bandaid that she applied on the injury. “There, done,” she announced, grinning proudly at her work.

 

“I’m Yoo Jeongyeon. I’m six,” she introduced herself, holding out a hand for the younger girl to take and faltering slightly when Jihyo didn’t take it. As she moved to pull her hand away, Jihyo stopped her, grabbing the hand hesitantly, raising her head slightly so she could take a peep at Jeongyeon’s face. “Park Jihyo. Five,” she replied shyly, still finding it difficult to meet the older girl’s eyes.

 

“Jihyo... “ Jeongyeon repeated after her, testing the way the name rolled of her tongue. Then she turned to Jihyo with a grin, reaching over to ruffle the smaller girl’s hair.

 

“Okay Jihyo. Let’s be friends.”

 

And because Jeongyeon wasn’t going to take ‘no’ as answer, on that fateful day, the older girl became Jihyo’s first friend. And for once in her life, Jihyo wasn’t alone.

 

For years it was just the two of them, spending hours upon hours in each other’s company, before they were joined by Nayeon, an older girl who was the first to squeeze her way into their tiny group, as well as five other girls along the way in the form of Japanese best friends Momo and Sana, as well as the three youngest of their little group, Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu.

 

The eight of them were inseparable, spending their waking moments together despite their diverse age and backgrounds. Jihyo enjoyed their company, laughing at the pranks Nayeon would play on the unsuspecting Momo, groaning at the awful jokes Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung would make, cheerfully accepting the hugs and kisses Sana would give her and just proudly watching Dahyun and Tzuyu grow. She was happy.

 

But even with all the new faces, Jihyo found that she had a particularly soft spot for Jeongyeon.

 

Gradually with time, Jihyo found herself falling for her best friend. It was subtle at first: a flutter in her heart when Jeongyeon looked her way, a tingling feeling rushing into her body whenever they touched; just small things she could easily shrug off. Then, she found the older girl popping up in her dreams for the future and she couldn’t really deny it anymore.

 

But even with the evidence piling against her, Jihyo still tried to convince herself otherwise. It wasn’t a romantic love, she would say to herself; even feeling disgusted with herself for feeling that way. For days, she couldn’t bring herself to even glance in Jeongyeon’s direction, hoping that it would go away on its own. But then Jihyo found herself longing to be with her. And it was terrifying.

 

She couldn’t imagine living a life without Jeongyeon by her side.

 

However, Jihyo couldn’t bring herself to tell anyone about it, forever freezing before she could get the words out. What if Jeongyeon didn’t feel the same? What if she was disgusted by her love? Her friendship with Jeongyeon was more important than whatever feelings she was experiencing. It was probably puppy love anyways.

 

But then trouble came in in the form of one Myoui Mina and her whole life was flipped upside down

  


————————

  


To Jihyo, Mina’s entrance into her life was just as memorable as Jeongyeon’s.

 

She was in high school when the ballerina had popped into her life. A Japanese transfer student assigned to Jihyo's class, Mina had caught the attention of all their classmates from moment she stepped into the classroom.

With rosy cheeks and deep brown eyes, sharp with intelligence that seem to carry the answer to all of Jihyo's concerns, she had mesmerised everyone and Jihyo was no exception. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and her bangs seemed to frame her already distinct features. But most striking were the moles dusted across her face like stars in the sky.

“Hello, my name is Myoui Mina. Please take care of me.”

Her voice was soft like a light breeze reflecting her gentle appearance and Jihyo could feel it triggering her protective instincts. Everything about Mina was just too precious. From the way she shyly tucked her hair behind her ear to  the way she walked to her seat, waddling like a penguin with her feet pointing outwards. It made Jihyo want to take care of her.

So she did.

When the bell rang signalling that it was time for lunch, the once shy Jihyo quickly walked over to the Japanese girl’s seat with the intention of befriending the newcomer and introduce her to the rest of her friends. Right on time too, for Mina was beginning to be overwhelmed by the circle of boys that were starting to swarm around her desk, hoping to get a chance to get to know the young beauty.

 

Jihyo quickly elbowed her way through the crowd, taking advantage of her small stature to slip through the gaps and step into the middle of the circle, right in front of Mina’s desk. “Mina’s coming with me,” she announced in her loudest voice, ending her sentence with a chilling glare that sent them all scampering.

 

She let out a sigh once she was sure that they were gone before turning to the Japanese girl with an embarrassed smile. “Sorry you had to see that,” Jihyo apologised, sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck as she did. “You were looking a bit uncomfortable so I thought I had to step in.”

 

Mina let out a giggle and Jihyo felt her heart skip a beat. “It’s alright,” she assured, her voice coming off as a gentle whisper and Jihyo refused to believe that a person could sound so beautiful. “I’m Mina. Thank you for helping me back there.”

 

“I’m Jihyo,” she introduced herself then upon remembering her purpose of approaching the new girl, invited her to join her and her friends for lunch.

 

To say that Mina was surprised would be an understatement. “Eh… Me?” she asked, pointing at herself with wide eyes, her mouth falling open in a comical way that made Jihyo laugh. “Yeah. My friends, Momo and Sana, they’re Japanese too. And I thought that it’ll be nice for you to meet them,” she elaborated as she stared at Mina expectantly.

 

“So what do you say?” she asked again, waiting with bated breath as she hoped for a positive response. And she got one.

 

“I would love to,” Mina finally answered causing Jihyo to immediately brighten up. “Great. Come on!” she cheered, dragging Mina with her by the hand as they ran through the hallway, laughing cheerily all the way.

 

Mina had no problem fitting in with the mismatched group of friends. They loved her from the second they met. Nayeon wore a smile akin to that of a proud mother while the youngest trio welcomed Mina with their usual shenanigans. Momo and Sana had even instantly took the younger girl under their wing, conversing in rapid fire Japanese much to everyone’s amusement.

 

But with new faces, came new feelings, ones that were destined to put Jihyo in a tight spot.

 

It had started when Jihyo had begun to spend more time with Mina, mostly to stop her feelings for Jeongyeon from growing anymore than it already had. This gave her the opportunity to learn more and more about the younger girl with every passing day, and Jihyo soon found herself growing attached to the ballerina.

 

There was just something about Mina that kept drawing her in. The way she kicked her feet about when she got too happy or how her gums peeked out when she smiled or just the way she shines when she let’s go of herself confidently for a split second before running back into Jihyo’s arms out of embarrassment.

 

It made her heart flutter; and she wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

 

JIhyo wasn’t blind; she could see how differently Jeongyeon acted around Mina, all the little things she would willingly do for the younger girl. She could see the love Jeongyeon had in every gaze she directed at the younger girl - the exact same look Jihyo had around Jeongyeon.

 

Day by day, Jihyo could feel herself slowly being cast aside as Jeongyeon and Mina began spending more time together. They began cancelling plans she was supposed to have with either of them, and even when they did manage to meet up together, Jihyo was treated like an outsider, looking in at their growing relationship. It was more like a date for the two than an outing for the three of them.

 

And soon she hit the tipping point.

 

It hadn’t been intentional, it was simply an honest mistake. When Jeongyeon had invited out on an outing together, Jihyo hadn’t meant to walk in on them, hadn’t meant to watch on as Jeongyeon and Mina exchanged kisses at the playground where she and the older girl first met, their special little place.

 

But she did. And just like that, at the tender age of fifteen, Park Jihyo experienced her first heartbreak, right where she met her first love.

 

Even as the days passed, she still couldn’t bring herself to look Jeongyeon or Mina in the eye, not without having the kiss they shared replaying in the back of her mind. And she couldn’t do anything but put up with the pain; being in the same friend group meant that couldn’t even shy away from meeting them.

 

So she began to distance herself from her friends, every single one of them, not just the two putting her through all this grief, hiding away in her little corner up on the roof, a place she assumed nobody would ever expect to find her at. She knew it wasn’t exactly the best decision she could have made.

 

But with her mind in such a messy state, Jihyo believed that this was the easiest way to keep her heart in check.

  


————————

  


“So this is where you’ve been hiding.”

 

Jihyo bit back a scream, a hand flying to her chest in hopes of calming her racing heart. She wasn’t expecting anyone to find her up here, especially not the girl standing right there before her with narrowed eyes and deep frown on her face.

 

It’s been close to a month since Jihyo went into hiding before she was finally confronted, much sooner than she had expected, but she had to admit, she had seen it coming. As much as she would have loved to, Jihyo knew she couldn’t run away forever. Her sudden disappearance was bound to raise a few questions.

 

But seeing Sana standing here in front her, she was hit with both disappointment and relief.

 

“We need to talk,” the older girl demanded, hands on her hip as she spoke, unnerving Jihyo who felt the need to leave before too many questions were raised. “I have to go,” she replied, in an attempt to excuse herself. But Sana wasn’t having it.

 

The Japanese girl simply scoffed. “I’m not stupid Jihyo.” She moved over, blocking the only exit Jihyo could use. But it wasn’t the fact that Sana was obstructing her escape that stopped Jihyo from leaving; it was the look on her face, the sadness and concern the girl was showing stopped her in her tracks.

 

“What were you thinking?” Sana began. “Do you know how worried we were? You just suddenly began detaching yourself from us and expected that we wouldn’t go looking for you?” While Sana felt that she was slapping some sense into the younger girl, obliviously put Jihyo on the spot which only made the her feel guilty and a little defensive.

 

A little too defensive.

 

“Listen, Sana,” Jihyo hissed, her eyes narrowing as she did. “I have no idea what nonsense you’re spouting about.” Taking a step forward, she continued on, staring Sana down despite her smaller stature. “But I have to leave. Now. So can you please move aside and let me through because I am not having this conversation with you.”

 

A grab of her wrist, a broken whisper, stopped Jihyo from leaving the roof. “It sucks being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back doesn’t it?” She could feel Sana’s slip her hand into hers. “I’m not blind Jihyo. The others may not have noticed but I have. And…” Sana paused, and Jihyo watched as she bit her lip, struggling to get the next line out.

 

“You’re not the only one suffering from an unrequited love.”

 

They stared at each other in silence before the thought finally clicked. Suddenly all the fleeting gazes and the lingering touches made sense. And it pained her to know that she was putting Sana through what she herself was going through.

 

“Sana…”

 

“It’s alright. You didn’t know,” she said, exchanging her downcast eyes for a small smile in an attempt to dismiss Jihyo's worry. But Jihyo could see the hurt that flashed across Sana’s face for a second before she diverted the attention back to her main point. “But this isn’t about me. This is about you.“

 

“You’re in love with Jeongyeon, aren’t you?”

 

_Was I that obvious?_ The thought that others knew of her feelings terrified her a bit, and Jihyo worried about what the others would think. What Jeongyeon and Mina would think. But there was a thought lingering in the back of her mind, one she had shoved there for a while now.

 

If she loved Jeongyeon, why was she still longing for someone else when it was only them.

 

However, as she stood there contemplating, Sana had another question in mind. Thinking that she had misunderstood Jihyo; and thinking that she was mistaken, she raised her question.

 

“Or is it Mina you’re after?”

 

Jihyo froze. The question got her thinking but she herself didn’t know the answer.

 

For years, she had believed she would love Jeongyeon and only Jeongyeon. But that was before Mina came into the picture and she started questioning her feelings.The ballerina was supposed to be her rival for Jeongyeon’s love. She was supposed to hate her. So why does her heart start beating in the same way it would around Jeongyeon instead?

 

Then it hit her. And she didn’t know whether she should laugh of cry.

 

“Sana…” Jihyo breathed, holding onto the older girl for support as her knees went weak. Sana caught her almost immediately, holding her up, face etched with worry. “It’s the both of them.” Her voice barely a whisper as the realisation dawned on her. “I’m in love with the both of Jeongyeon and Mina.”

 

She could hear the older girl gasp, clearly surprised by the revelation. It didn’t last long though. Once she got over her shock, Sana took Jihyo into her arms, feeling the tears that soaked into her shirt, feeling every tremble the younger girl’s body made.

 

There in Sana’s arms, Jihyo broke down, in realisation of the love that would never be reciprocated.

 

————————

  


A few days after her breakdown, Jihyo found someone waiting for her at her hiding spot.

 

“Hey,” Jeongyeon greeted her, a weak smile gracing her features as she awkwardly waved at the younger girl. Tapping the rail beside her, she invited Jihyo to join her, clearly hoping that they could addressed their issues. “Sana told me that I would find you here.”

 

Jihyo found her feet glued to the ground at the sight of the girl. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do. When Sana had told her that she needed to talk to Jeongyeon, she wasn’t expecting to be confronted like this. Should she leave? Her mind was telling her to make a run for it but her was heart was telling to stay.

And for once, she chose to trust her heart.

 

“Well… you found me,” she chuckled nervously in response as she walked over to the other girl, stopping by her side and matching the way she rested against the rails. They settled into a comfortable silence as they gazed upon the world below them.

 

However, despite the stillness, Jihyo could feel Jeongyeon’s eyes on her, nervously darting between her and the view below, clearly waiting for her to speak. And when she didn’t, the older girl cleared her throat, finally breaking the silence. “You know… I haven’t been seeing you around lately.”

 

“I’ve been busy,” the young girl simply shrugged, her gaze still fixed to the ground, fingers drumming against the metal. She couldn’t face her, couldn’t even take a look at her. Not with the image of the kiss burned into the back of her eyelids.

 

But Jeongyeon hated it. She grabbed the girl by the shoulders, fingers clutching on tightly as she spun her around so that they were face to face.

 

“You’ve been avoiding us, and it’s because of me isn’t it?” She raised her voice at Jihyo, making the younger girl cower. She had never yelled at her before. Seeing the girl flinch, her voice softened, her grip on the girl loosened in fear of scaring her. “Why? Did I do something wrong?”

 

Jihyo had to slam her eyes shut, holding in all her frustrations, all the pain. _Of course, it’s you. How could you make me fall for you like this._ “It’s not you. I've just been feeling a little left out lately, that’s all,” she said, lying through her teeth, her nails digging into the flesh of her palms as she gathered her courage.

 

“Jeong, listen. There’s something I need to tell you... ” She gazed up at Jeongyeon. For the first time in weeks, Jihyo finally found the guts to look into the eyes of her crush. She was going to do it, was at last able to confess her feelings; had the fates, just for once, let her find peace.

 

She never got the chance finish her sentence, interrupted by the creaking of the door. Peeking through the gap was an embarrassed Mina, “Oh. Am I interrupting something?” she mumbled, blushing when she realised that she had unintentionally disturbed their moment.

 

“Actually… Jihyo, there’s something we need to tell you too.” It was cold, how Jeongyeon had let go of her to move to Mina’s side. It was colder, how she took the ballerina’s hand in hers, how she slipped her fingers through Mina’s daintier ones.

 

Jihyo felt her chest burn before Jeongyeon even began. “We’re dating,” she announced, shyly showing off their interlocked fingers. “Which was why I had been turning you down and had not spending more time with you.” With her other hand, Jeongyeon reached out for Jihyo's. “But I was also a jerk to you. I shouldn’t have blew you off like that.”

 

“And… I’m sorry.”

 

The apology only made Jihyo sigh, and the puppy-like look that accompanied it slowly reduced her anger down to a simmer. She was aware she couldn’t place the on Jeongyeon alone. She knew that her inability to control her emotions was also the blame. So she took the hand, all while flashing the girl a tight smile.

 

“I knew,” Jihyo answered. “You two weren’t being very discreet about it.” She chuckled at the stunned expression the couple shared, eyes wide in disbelief with pink dusting their shy cheeks. It was cute, they were cute; that she couldn’t deny.

 

“And it’s okay. I should have been more understanding.” Choosing not to linger on it for too long, Jihyo linked arms with the duo and led them off the roof. “Let’s forget about that. How about we go out and celebrate?” she asked as they made their way through the halls, laughing along the way, happy that all the trouble was over.

 

However, Jihyo couldn’t ignore the pang of regret she had for not being able to confess her feelings. Jeongyeon was happy now and she couldn’t risk destroying that.

 

Like a fool, she held herself back, pasting on a smile and pretending to be unaffected despite the pain.

  


————————

  


Years passed, the world aged and the girls aged with it. They grew up and matured, but even as the times passed, Jihyo's love never did. And yet, she never made her move, choosing instead to stand by the couple, watching as their love bloom, staying by their sides and giving her support through their ups and downs.

 

And eventually, it was only right for her to be there on that cold winter night  as they took their relationship to the next level.

 

“Lights?”

 

“Check.”

 

“Flowers?”

 

“Check."

 

“Ring?”

 

“Check.”

 

“Looks like everything’s in place,” Jihyo announced, adding one last tick to the checklist she had in hand. _A really really long checklist,_ she chuckled, folding up and pocketing the sheet of paper Mina had handed over to her. Trust Mina to be a perfectionist.

 

Speaking of Mina, said girl had finally put a stop to her nervous pacing. She decided instead to throw herself at Jihyo, squeezing her in a hug as an act of gratefulness, unknowingly sending the poor girl’s heart racing and her cheeks heating up against the cold winter air.“Thanks Jihyo. You’re the best.”

 

“You know, I’ve always thought Jeongyeon would have been the one proposing,” Jihyo mused, accepting the embrace and pulling the girl closer. “Guess you were wrong then,” Mina giggled, sighing in relief as she rested her head against Jihyo's shoulder.

 

“Do you think she’ll say yes?” she wondered aloud, and Jihyo knew this was her cue to reassure the anxious girl.

 

“Mina,” she began, holding the girl by the shoulders. “I’ve known Jeongyeon for years, and while she’s made a lot of smart decisions to cover the odd ones she has made over the years, none have ever made her happier than when she dated you. She truly does love you, and there’s no way she’ll say no.” _And neither would I._

 

Their moment was cut short when the School Meal Line came running in in a panic, led by a flailing Dahyun screaming “she’s coming!” on repeat while an embarrassed Tzuyu and Chaeyoung followed closely after her, red-faced from all the odd stares they had received on their way there.

 

Beside her, Mina froze, trembling from the nerves as she fidgeted with the tiny velvet box that held the engagement ring. Sensing her anxiety, Jihyo gave the younger girl’s shoulder a tight squeeze for reassurance. “Go get her.” She gave her a warm smile before she nudged her in the direction of the waiting girl.

 

“Good luck,” she whispered to no one in particular, jamming her hands into her pocket. Good luck to the future couple and good luck to her broken spirit.

 

From her hiding spot, she watched with a heavy heart as the plan came into play, witnessing Mina fall to one knee to ask a stunned Jeongyeon, who too pulled out a ring from her pocket, for her hand in marriage. A weak smile painted her features as they accepted each other’s proposal, kissing against the field of white.

 

The rest of the girls cheered in celebration, screaming out their congratulations and causing the couple to reluctantly pull away from one another, glowing red out of shyness. They ran over to them, popping out bottles of champagne that were most definitely not in the plans (Jihyo was sure Nayeon was behind that), to make a toast to mark this moment.

 

While the others partied, Jihyo strode over to congratulate the pair, only for Jeongyeon to tackle her to the ground and take the opportunity to pull her into a headlock. “I can’t believe you kept this a secret from the both of us!” she ranted, playfully ruffling the younger girl’s hair in revenge.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she apologised in between her laughter, pleading for Jeongyeon to stop when the older girl began to tickle her. “Let me make it up to you.” Grinning up at Mina, who shook her head at them before helping them to their feet.

 

“Well,” Jeongyeon smirked as she brushed the snow of her clothes. “You can repay me by becoming my maid of honour at my wedding.”

 

She pointed to herself, eyes wide in disbelief. “Me? Why me?” She just couldn’t picture why Jeongyeon would pick her of all people. She was also slightly hesitant to take up the offer, fearing that she wouldn’t be able to keep her heart in check.

 

“Why not? You’re my best friend and I can’t imagine having anyone else but you there with us.” Jeongyeon’s eyebrows knitted into a frown. She was really hoping for Jihyo to be there with them, and Mina knew it. She knew how just important Jihyo was to her fiancee.

 

“So will you do it?” she asked this time, knowing it took two to convince Jihyo's stubborn mind. And it did. Seeing the two stare at her with those hopeful eyes, Jihyo couldn’t find it in her heart to say no.

 

“I’ll be more than happy to,” she said, accepting the offer. A wry smile adorned her face when they embraced her, gritting her teeth when she felt her heartbeat quicken at the contact. _I hope I’m doing the right thing,_ she prayed, wishing that she wouldn’t regret this.

 

Fortunately for her, the hug didn’t last long.

 

“Jihyo!” The group turned to see a panicked Sana run up to them, hunching over to catch her breath when she did. “Here you are.”

 

“Do you girls mind if I steal Jihyo for a bit?” she asked but she didn’t wait around for an answer, tugging a silent Jihyo away from the newly engaged couple, ensuring they are out of earshot before she let go of the younger girl. She turned to Jihyo, sighing at her quivering lips and teary eyes.

 

The moment they had gone out of sight, the dam holding Jihyo's tears back broke, her body trembling as she choked back a sob. Huffing, Sana softly cupped her cheeks, brushing the stray tears away, feeling so much sympathy for the poor girl.

 

“You’re a fool Jihyo. Why do you have to put yourself through so much pain?” she muttered, pulling the sobbing girl into her arms in an attempt to console her.

 

“I should be happy for them,” she muttered into Sana’s shoulder, fingers desperately clutching at the older girl’s shirt. “And I am. I’m happy for them. So, so happy.”

 

“So why does it hurt to see them together?”

 

_Why does it hurts so much…_

  


————————

  


As the night began to wind down, Jihyo found herself on the balcony, staring up at the night sky as she allowed the cool air wake her from her less than sober state.

 

Sometime during the night she had snuck out of the ballroom, away from the constraints of the wedding reception. _It has been a tiring day. I just need a little break_ , she told herself, as if it could excuse her behaviour; but Jihyo knew better. She knew that these were just little lies she made to feel better about herself.

 

She knew she was merely trying to protect her poor heart from any more hurt.

 

The sight of them slow dancing, swaying to the music and gazing at each other with eyes so full of love as they held onto each other so tightly had been the final blow, causing her so much pain that she couldn’t bare to look any longer. So she left, just walked out of the ballroom without taking a second glance.

 

At least she was sure that there wasn’t anyone that could bother her out here. She knew they were too occupied to.

 

Sana, who had taken to spending every moment making sure that Jihyo was alright, was now too intoxicated to care. The last time she had seen the Japanese girl, she was all over Nayeon who didn’t seem to mind the attention, even looking at Sana with so much love that it made Jihyo feel just a tad bit better.

 

At least one of them was going to get a happy ending.

 

She sighed, letting her tense muscles relax for once. But as the stress ebbed away, her mind began to take control and soon the thoughts came flooding in again, questions she wished would remain buried somewhere deep in the back of her mind.

 

_What if…_ she asked, turning to the moon for answers. _What if I had confessed? Would they have accepted me? Would they love me like I love them, like they love each other?_

 

_What if… What if we never met in the first place?_ She shook her head. _No._ As much as it hurts, she would never ever regret ever having met them. They were had her heart and soul, and she couldn’t imagine her life without them.

 

“There you are.”

 

At the sound of the familiar voice, Jihyo could only pray that the shadows of the night hid the swelling of her eyes as she turned to see the newlyweds smiling, almost glowing even. And she grinned a little just from seeing how happy they made each other.

 

“We were wondering where you disappeared off to,” Mina mused with Jeongyeon nodding in agreement beside her as she slung an arm over her shoulder. “Can’t enjoy a wedding without my best woman now, can I?” the older girl teased.

 

“What would you do without me right?” Jihyo joked back but wasn’t expecting Jeongyeon to sigh, which prompted Jihyo to turn to her with furrowed brows. Jeongyeon dismissed that worry with a soft smile as she spoke. “You know, we never really got the chance to thank you.”

 

“You had to endure being our third wheel,” she pointed out, rubbing the back of her neck and avoiding Jihyo's eyes when the younger girl looked to her in confusion. “But you were always there for me… for us.”

 

When Jeongyeon began to dramatically wipe her tears away, Mina took over, playfully shoving her wife away and taking Jihyo for herself. “What Jeongyeon is trying to say is that we wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

 

“And we love you.”

 

They pull her into hug, squeezing Jihyo in the middle, her head resting against Jeongyeon’s shoulder as Mina pressed her body against her own, and all she wanted was to pause time right there and now. The feeling, the idea of them holding her was nice, so very nice, almost right even.

 

But Jihyo was aware that it was a dream, a cruel joke fate enjoyed playing on her poor soul.

 

_We love you._ Oh, just how ironic could this situation be for them to utter the three words she’s been so desperate to hear when she knew that the meaning behind it wasn’t what she desired? How she wished that the line had the same connotation as the “I love you” she had withheld for years? Still, she knew that it wasn’t her place to say anything.

 

So she kept mum. She doesn’t tell them that she loves them. She doesn’t try to insert herself into the relationship the two built. And she definitely doesn’t tell them about the one way ticket she had in her packed bags. Nor does she tell them about the job offer she had just accepted from some company overseas or the fact that this may as well be the last time they’ll see her and that she’ll be gone before they even returned from their honeymoon.

 

Choosing friendship over love, Jihyo was willing to take a step back and let go, give up on the longing in her heart despite the pain it will cause her. She just wants the people she loves to be happy; even if she isn’t a part of their happiness.

 

Because, they, all three of them together, just weren’t to be.

 

 


End file.
